


Take You Down

by Diaphenia



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, F/M, POV: Danny Castellano, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 14:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1652303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/pseuds/Diaphenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny shook his hand. “None of that is true. Mindy here’s got an imagination. We work at Schulman and Associates together. Gynecologists.”</p><p>There it was. Cliff made that same face all men and most women made, which they always followed with absolutely no follow up questions. Gynophobia was a weapon Danny wielded well. </p><p>Almost as good as the 35mm he kept hidden in his holster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take You Down

**Author's Note:**

> Every fandom needs a spy AU.
> 
> With love to Rikyl and tinyfierceandsassy.

“You’ve got to _focus_ , Mindy,” Danny whispered.

“I was distracting him!” she answered.

“You were all over him. It was disgusting.”

“Look, you wanted Deslaurier gone, and I took care of it. Next time, you can flirt with him.” She smoothed her hands over her tight black dress. Danny knew for a fact that outfit had cost outrageous amounts of money despite the fact it looked like every other dress she wore when they went to these events. Morgan had had to sew her into it, practically.

Danny watched as she fluffed her hair, using her makeup compact. She angled it just so, and he knew she was check out more than just her looks.

“I get that you’re weirdly jealous, but can _you_ focus?” She shut the compact with a snap, and stuck out her arm.

He linked arms with her, taking a moment to look up. “You know, the Empire State Building has been here since 1931—”

“Do you remember the construction well?” She smirked.

“Real cute. I’m just saying it’s admirable.” He led her past a group of tourists with cameras around their necks, huddled together in their big puffy coats.

 _“Mindy, I know Danny’s like a hundred years old, but save it for the Christmas card._ ” And there Peter was, right on cue, talking through their earpieces. _“I need you both to go in there and kick some ass.”_

Danny involuntarily looked down the street to the van he knew Peter was inside. It was done up to look like a mobile doctor’s office; utterly forgettable next to the flashy European cars and sleek limos dropping off guests. Being inconspicuous by being conspicuous, and Danny had worn enough uniforms to know it was true. He could blend in with the best of them.

 _“You are not to kick any ass if you can help it,”_ Jeremy said, having presumably wretched the mic away. _“At least pretend you’re trying to stay undercover.”_

“Like she could kick anyone’s ass in those heels,” Danny said, enjoying this as always. She got real huffy whenever he went after her shoes. Tonight, they were sleek and pointy and red.

“Excuse you, I could take you down—”

"Please try," he said before he realized just what that sounded like. 

They looked away from each other. 

"We've got to get in there." She rested her hand on his arm, pasting a smile onto her face.

 _“You know what you have to do,”_ Jeremy said. _“Be careful.”_

***

They made the rounds together, drinking from champagne flutes and making small talk. It wasn’t Danny’s strength, small talk, or people in general, so he mostly left that stuff to Mindy.

The guy she was talking to was handsome, and his suit was nice, but it had fewer pieces than Danny’s did. It was probably much easier to put on. No suit needed twenty pieces. Hell.

Of course, he’d rather wear a hundred piece suit than talk to this guy. “I do actually have tickets to see Jewel, this month in fact.”

“Oh, you’re too much.” Mindy smiled at him, a divorce lawyer who had to be, what, fifty at least.

“And is this your....husband?” Cliff, that was his name, gestured towards Danny. Danny could hear Peter laughing over his earpiece.

“My totally platonic co worker, Danny.” Mindy smiled.

“I would never marry this woman,” Danny said automatically. It was a line he’d been using for years, ever since Schulman told them to pose as friends when they went on their missions.

“He’s _divorced_. He doesn’t talk about it too much, but I like to imagine she was his high school sweetheart, and they tried hard to make it work, and lived on love for four years before breaking up, possibly while throwing dishes.”

“That’s specific,” Cliff said, quirking his face.

Danny shook his hand. “None of that is true. Mindy here’s got an imagination. We work at Schulman and Associates together. Gynecologists.”

There it was. Cliff made that same face all men and most women made, which they always followed with absolutely no follow up questions. Gynophobia was a weapon Danny wielded well.

Almost as good as the 35mm he kept hidden in his holster.

“Do you want to get some fresh air with me?” Mindy asked, her eyes wide and innocent. She held up her clutch, and Danny knew she was feeling the bottom to make sure she still had it loaded with tranqs.

Cliff, that poor bastard, just followed her wordlessly.

***

“He’s not our guy,” she said a short time later, handing him more champagne like that’s where she’d been the whole time. “He’ll wake up a little sore tomorrow, but he’ll be fine.”

“ _Mindy, you better not be referring to anything that will get us into legal trouble,_ ” Jeremy said in their ears. “ _I heard whimpering_.”

“I’ve _never_ , ok?” Mindy said. “I did _once_.”

“Mindy’s a pro,” Danny muttered.

“I am! And I saw this cute guy by the appetizers. Newspaper guy. Very shady. I should probably investigate that guy.” She tossed her hair purposefully, and Danny saw him. He was just her type; non-descript in a way his brother would call hot, casually messy hair that had probably taken him hours, white.

“Nope. Don’t be an idiot” he said, grabbing her wrist and ignoring her hurt look.

“I’m not _being an idiot_ ,” she hissed.

“ _You’re usually being an idiot—_ ” Peter started.

“I will break every bit of audio equipment we’re wearing,” Mindy said quietly, leaning directly into Danny’s mic.

“ _Please don’t do that, it was all very expensive,”_ Jeremy said, probably remembering that time with the pool.

“We’ve been here long enough. Time to investigate.”

***

She picked the lock using only a hairpin.

“You’re not half-bad at that.” He glanced over his shoulder.

“I’m awesome at this,” she answered, pushing the door open. “That would’ve taken you twenty minutes.”

He headed straight for the desk, visible in the moonlight.

She huffed. “We can’t all be specialists at pissing off our partners.”

Danny bristled. He’d gone through a few partners, it was true. There’d been Jillian, who’d felt he was a little too by-the-book, and wanted to take risks he felt were a bad idea. She’d switched to a new agency, but one of her little stunts had lost her an eye. Now she was working at an art gallery. There was Sally, who was too flaky to be in the field. She was off organizing closets or doing laser hair removal or something. And Christina— that one had been his fault, no question. She’d been an expert at all the technical stuff he didn’t get, the cameras and computers and all that stuff. But he’d crossed the line, dating her, and she retaliated by dating some hot-shot spy from a rival agency. She’d even smashed his laptop before deflecting entirely to go work with her new lover.

But none of that mattered. “I’m helping you, aren’t I?” All that was years ago; he and Mindy had been partners for years, and they were great together.

Mindy didn’t look up from the computer. “Yeah, you’re fine.”

He took the blessed silence as an opportunity to rifle through a filing cabinet using a keychain flashlight, flipping through ten years’ worth of tax evasion. Which was interesting, but not germane. He’d mention it to his contact, Sheila, down at the IRS, when this was all done.

He gently lifted a painting from the wall, something with boats, very classy. He couldn’t tell if it was a real one or another fake, but he suspected this was legit. There was a safe behind it (but then, there always was). Safes were Peter’s specialty, but Peter was in a van— so he pulled out his gloves, and stuck his ear to the wall, listening for the telltale clicks.

Mindy pulled out her thumb drive, slipping it into her bra. He never thought that was a good idea, but she’d never lost something from there before, not even on the honeypot missions. She grabbed the painting, pulling it over to the moonlight.

“The combo’s on here,” she said. “Idiot.”

He certainly wasn’t the idiot for not checking. What sort of person would write on the back of a painting? It was a waste of a good painting, he knew that.

“Thirteen, twenty-three—” She was suddenly interrupted by noises in the hall.

They both froze, looking at each other. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone in this hall, far as they were from the party.

“Janitor,” he mouthed.

“What?” she mouthed back.

“JANITOR.”

She shook her head. “I can’t read lips.”

He waited for the sounds to pass.

He saw the door knob start to turn, and felt for his gun. Not that he wanted to use it; there’d be so much goddamn paperwork if he did.

Mindy sprung into action, throwing the painting back on the wall. “It’s crooked,” she moaned, frantically adjusting it.

He grabbed her by the hip, flipping her back up against the painting and pulling her close. He pressed his forehead against hers, looking for all the world like they were in a private moment.

The door opened.

He kissed her. Her eyes fluttered with surprise, but she leaned in, clutching his tie like an anchor. He mouth was warm and wet and she tasted like root beer chapstick, like they were kissing on a playground instead. She parted her lips, and he darted his tongue into her mouth, earning a surprised moan. He palmed her ass, for greater realism, before breaking the kiss. It took him a moment to tear his eyes away from her; her lipstick was just a little smeared, and that made him want to kiss her again. If they were going to die, at least he’d gotten to do that.

She looked mildly dazed, and he didn’t know if she was performing or not. “Sorry, we got carried away,” she said apologetically, twisting towards the stranger.

Only to find Josh Daniels staring back at them.

Mindy’d been dating the guy for a few months when she’d gotten wise to his two-timing ways, using most of her time not at work or with Josh to gather evidence of his indiscretions. Danny had told her to stop, to just break it off and leave with her head held high, or at least to stop sleeping with him, but she’d ignored his advice. It had all resulted in an ugly confrontation at a party a year ago.

And now, here he was, while they were going through the office of a probable-criminal mastermind. That was no good.

“I knew it,” Josh said. “I knew you were into him. The whole time I thought your relationship with your co worker was weird.”

Mindy, always fast on her feet, smiled, pulling Danny closer. “And you were correct, my friend. Danny and I took up with each other just after I kicked you out. We’re blissfully happy.”

“And here I thought you’d be a plus-sized hand model by now,” Josh said.

“Nope, still a _doctor_ ,” she said, and Danny thought she really enjoyed telling people that too much considering she didn’t know a tourniquet from a thyroid.

“And why are you in my boss’s office?”

“Didn’t know,” she said with a shrug. She was a great liar when she wanted to be. “We needed a room and the door was open.”

Josh nodded. “She’ll be pissed.”

“Well, we should probably get going.” She looped her finger where his suspenders met his pants, pulling him towards the door. “Lots of important sex to be having.”

Danny choked, then tried to turn it into a cough.

“Wait,” Josh said, blocking their exit, a gleam in his eye.

Danny felt for his gun. He already knew Mindy’s dagger was strapped to her thigh; he’d felt it only moments before. And she always had a gun somewhere on her.

“You’re coming to my wedding, right?”

If Mindy had any feelings left for this jerk, she didn’t show them. “The RSVP card is practically almost in the mail. Alright, come on, Plus One.” She yanked Danny through the doorway. “Oh and Josh?”

“Yeah?”

Mindy smiled. “I’m going to say the same thing about the desk that I said to you that first night we were together. Sorry about the wet spot.”

“Ok, that was gross,” Danny said, as they rounded the corner away from Josh and from his boss’s safe.

“Come on, that was an awesome line,” she said. She pushed open the door to the stairs. It was time to book it, lest Josh put two and two together. Not that Danny thought Josh had basic life skills beyond hair care and mix tapes, but in case.

Just as they rounded the corner, he heard “Hello, Danny.”

Amy.

And then he felt a needle prick, and everything went black.

***

“I really am sorry about how this shook out,” Danny said, twisting his hands to see if he could get out of his restraints.

“You probably should be,” Mindy said.

“Danny didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend,” Amy said. “Though I didn’t tell him I knew he was a spy.” She tightened the ropes on Mindy. Then she reached into Mindy’s cleavage, pulling out the mic connecting them to Jeremy and Peter. She crushed it under her heels, then did the same with Danny’s mic. His earpiece had already either fallen out or been removed, and he suspected Mindy’s had as well.

Amy smiled gleefully. “This is so exciting. This is why I went into art fleecing. Not the glamour. Not the money, though the money’s nice.”

“How much are we talking?” Mindy asked. Danny shot her a look, and she shrugged. Always a trooper, that one.

“It’s not that I want to kill you both. I will, but I don’t want to. It’s just that you’re in the way of my plans. And you went through my office.”

“We know nothing,” Mindy said.

“We know some things. Just not about what you’re doing.” He tried to look into Amy’s soul. “Is this because I stopped calling?”

“Jesus Christ, Danny, are you for real?” Mindy whipped her head towards him.

Amy laughed. “You don’t get it, do you? I chose you, just to make sure you and your little spy operation couldn’t get to me. And, god, you sure do turn into a shitty spy when you’re pouring chocolate on someone's butt.”

"Fascinating," Mindy said. "Chocolate?"

"I didn't know it was your office," Danny said. 

"Do you  _not even know my last name?_ " Amy asked. "After all that?"

“Ok, we get it, he's terrible. How about you let me go?” Mindy asked. “I’m... pregnant!”

“Really? I thought your hands and feet looked puffy.”

“That’s not until the third trimester!” She looked offended, which would’ve been funny literally any other time.

“Yeah, let her go,” Danny said. “Kill me if you want, but let Mindy live.”

“Why?” Amy looked bored, which was bad.

“Yeah Danny, why? Is this about the baby?” Mindy asked.

“No, no. I mean of course you go straight to hell if you kill a pregnant lady, but that’s not— Mindy’s amazing. She’s my best friend, you know, really my only friend. I want to kill her once a day, but I trust her, with my life I have to trust her, and you kill her, I’ll be alone. Really alone.”

“But you’ll be dead too. You get that, right?” Amy’s eyes got wide. “Just how dumb are you?”

Mindy, though, looked shocked.

“Yeah, I don’t care about this,” Amy said, cocking her gun.

And then there was a sickening crack, and Amy crumpled to the ground.

“All of you are dumb,” Tamra said, wiping her gun on the side of her dress.

***

“The problem now is that I don’t know if we’re getting paid, now that the cops have taken over,” Jeremy said.

“Yeah, but we solved the case! It’s Danny’s old sex partner,” Peter said. “You sly dog.” He slapped Danny on the back.

“Yeah, yeah,” Danny said.

“And maybe Mindy’s old sex partner?”

“He was my boyfriend, but ok,” Mindy said. “I just can’t believe how much coke he had on him.” No one knew yet if he was connected to fleecing, but he’d absolutely resisted arrest and that’d been a terrible move.

“I’m just glad Tamra was our backup,” Danny said.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell them I was their backup,” Tamra said. “Like obviously you never send those two in alone.”

“Never send us in alone?” Mindy asked.

Tamra ticked off her fingers. “Every time. The heist in that harbor, the thing with the white supremacists, that time Mindy was a boy, the frat party, when you went to Santa Fe....”

“You didn’t even work for us then!”

Tamra rolled her eyes. “You didn’t _know_ that I worked with you then.”

Danny turned to Jeremy. “You’ve got to be kidding, we’re your top pair.”

“And I don’t trust either of you. May I remind you that you were a minute and a half away from certain death?”

“Oh my god, we were,” Mindy said. “I came _this close_ to never seeing the second Avengers movie. _Jeremy Renner_.”

“Gather your things, we need to be getting to the office,” Jeremy said. “Mountains of paperwork. Every time you pistol-whip a crazy, there’s paperwork.”

“Nice kissage, by the way,” Peter said, high fiving Mindy. “I could hear everything. Your moaning’s weirdly hot.”

“It was,” Mindy said. “Hey, Danny, hold up.”

Danny paused.

“Did you mean what you said back there, about being best friends?”

Danny scratched the back of his neck. “Well, yeah.”

“I’m so glad, because—”

But he never heard her reason, because he kissed her again. Her mouth opened automatically this time, and he pressed into her, against the wall, feeling slightly frantic. He dragged his lips from hers. “I shouldn't have done—”

But he never got to finish that sentence, because she was kissing _him_ , digging her fingers into his hair.

He heard Peter whoop, which took him out of the moment. “Somebody’s having his hot chocolate. I knew it. Jere-bear, you gotta pay up.”

Danny looked up to find his co workers gathered around them, which was embarrassing but not surprising.

“I guess they’re both old,” Tamra said. “It makes sense.”

“I’m younger than Katie Holmes,” Mindy said.

“Oh god, more paperwork,” Jeremy said, handing Peter two Jacksons. “Congratulations, you two. You’re both going to have to sign releases.”

“This so exciting. We’ll be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” Mindy said with a sigh. “Except I’m keeping my last name.”

“That doesn’t even follow. Have you even seen that movie?”

“We’ll be as hot as them, certainly.” She kissed him again. “This is a great idea. We can work together, date. Plus you’ll never, ever be able to lie to me because I’m the best spy in New York.”

Danny just nodded.


End file.
